


You won't ever be alone

by deluweil



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 s3e16 tag, Auntie Maddie should be a thing, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Getting Together, M/M, Maddie Buckley is a Good Sister, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Protective Maddie Buckley, Worried Firefam, post 3x15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deluweil/pseuds/deluweil
Summary: "Let me get this straight, you nearly die, Buck completely loses it at the site, didn't leave your side at the hospital or that night, but you guys are not together?"
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 44
Kudos: 498
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	You won't ever be alone

**Author's Note:**

> First off I want to thank my beta the amazing @somebodysomeplace1
> 
> Now to business, in my opinion 3x15 and 3x16 left so much unsaid, and 3x16 should have continued the trauma of 3x15 because Buck's break down scene was so powerful but sadly has fallen under the underrated column.
> 
> But that's how fanfics are born I guess, so here's another take.  
> Enjoy :)

**You Won't Ever Be Alone**

Buck's been quiet lately, distant, but no less considerate and caring then usual. He replies when spoken to, does everything to the best of his abilities in and out of the job, babysits when asked, buys groceries if needed and cooks for the Diazes and his sister so they don't live off take-outs permanently because both Chimney and Eddie are helpless in the kitchen. Maddie is… well Maddie, she can cook but chooses not to most of the time.

He doesn't cook in their houses, he mostly cooks at home and sends boxes with Chimney to Maddie and with Eddie to Christopher. He doesn't hang out as much, keeps to himself mostly and doesn't offer an opinion or some random fact unless asked first.

It was terrifying. Bobby seemed worried, Chimney looked intimidated for some reason and Hen seemed to know what's going on but was keeping it to herself, she’s also been keeping close to Buck, and Eddie? Eddie had no idea what's going on and yeah he was terrified, because it was a very Un-Buck like behavior and in general he's getting the feeling everyone has been replaced by pod-people who only looked like his teammates.

He also missed his friend, a LOT, yeah Buck babysat his kid and yeah he cooked for them and they saw each other every day, but he missed him! Missed his voice, missed his jokes, missed those exasperating but really, surprisingly, interesting facts. And he also missed having him close on the couch in the common room, cuddling with him and Chris on the couch; just missed any and all things typical of Buck.

If he was forced to pinpoint an exact moment where everything's changed he'd say somewhere around a week ago, after the well incident, it's pretty much how he dubbed it, filed it away with the rest of the nightmares and moved on. Buck was with him in the ambulance, was with him the entire stay in the hospital and took him home once he was released then stayed the night in case Christopher needed something in the middle of the night.

Eddie sighed heavily as he passed fresh bandages to Chimney as they re-supplied the ambulance. It didn't stop his ruminations though. He remembers Buck waking up the next morning, got Christopher ready for school, made breakfast, they ate, Buck packed Christopher's lunch, he found out later when his son got home and told him excitedly about his morning with 'HIS' Buck. 

Eddie was completely prepared to spend his day fending off Buck's hovering, but that's not what happened. When Eddie woke up he found a plate waiting for him to be heated and a note from Buck telling him that Buck volunteered to cover his 12h shift and to get some rest. 

That should have raised all kinds of red flags because Buck had a 24h shift later that day, but Eddie was too tired to grasp the fact that Buck was about to do a 36h shift after a gruesome one the night before. However, that only occurred to him when he arrived for his next shift after he'd been cleared by Frank only to find out that Buck's not there. When he asked about it Bobby gave him a puzzled look and explained what happened. 

Apparently, Eddie glowered at those supplies so intensely that even Chimney took notice, "What did that disinfectant ever do to you?" he asked teasingly.

"Not in the mood Chim." Eddie muttered.

"Clearly." Chimney retorted then changed tactics "You and Buck haven't made up yet?"

"Wasn't aware we were fighting." Eddie sighed heavily, already done with this conversation, but this damn ambulance needs to be finished before next call.

"Really? Because I thought for sure you guys will kiss and make up by now." Chimney kept pushing, and Eddie contemplated for a second how much harm it'd do to shove him out of the ambulance just for the satisfaction of watching him fall flat on his ass.

"Chim if you have something to say, fucking say it." Eddie replied with a long-suffering sigh.

"You need to talk to Buck," Chimney said, cutting to the chase, "apologize, plead, grovel whatever you need to do to fix this because you and I and everyone really, know he's one of the best things that's ever happened to you and that sweet kid of yours."

"You make it sound like we're together." Eddie rolled his eyes, still processing the part where Chimney said he needed to apologize.

"Aren't you?" Chimney challenged, eyebrows raised high enough to nearly meet his hairline.

"No, of course not! What even gave you that idea?" Eddie spluttered the response.

Chimney studied him with a frown, then open and closed his mouth a couple of times before asking in a high pitched 'let's make a scene' voice "Let me get this straight, you nearly die, Buck completely loses it at the site, didn't leave your side at the hospital or that night, but you guys are  _ not _ together?"

Instead of savoring the Chim just screeched like 'a hysterical cheerleader having a hissy feat', Eddie frowned confusedly "what do you mean lost it?" 

"Did you not...?" Chimney started to question but stopped and shook his head. "You know what, never mind." 

"Chim...!" Eddie called after him as he was walking away, preparing to give chase, Eddie exited the ambulance only then the alarm blared and they were all off to the trucks. 

***

It was a house fire, at this point most of the tenants evacuated the building and they came outside, Buck had what was possibly the sweetest looking cat in his arms and a calming smile on his face "I got Gladys."

"That's not Gladys," said the man they just saved "That's Hoover!" 

Eddie's heart did a little flip at the adoring yet confused look Buck gave to the cat as he muttered "Hoover?"

His attention was brought back to the man who mumbled "Oh, thank God, Hoover. But where's Gladys?" 

They all looked confused at each other when dispatch contacted them and Maddie's voice came through "Atwater Street incident, this is Metro Fire Command. Please respond." 

"Go for Captain Nash." Bobby responded.

"I have a deaf woman trapped in apartment 10G." Maddie informed them.

They all looked up as Glass shattered above them and Buck sighed "Gladys."

A few minutes later, they all looked up as the attempt to reach the apartment by ladder from the outside failed and Bobby declared, "That's as far as the ladders will reach, the end of her hallway is engulfed."

"Frazier just told me there's no access to the stairwell, either." Eddie chimed in, Buck's eyes were already scanning the building for a solution.

Eddie could tell the second his friend came up with one. He already knew he'd hate it. "Hey, the building next door is not on fire." Buck stated, pointing in the direction of the neighboring roof.

"Get to her from the roof?" Bobby asked to clarify.

"Rappelling kit's got 150 feet of rope. That'll get me down to the street with her." Buck confirmed.

Eddie seemed scandalized, has his friend gone mad? "You want to do a rope rescue?" he asked, "Of course, you do." Eddie retorted. 

"Well, he's not doing it alone." Bobby determined, "He's gonna need you on the pulley. Go, go, go!" he urged Eddie after Buck who took off the second Bobby gave the OK. "Okay, we gotta be ready here on the ground. Chim, have a cyanokit on standby." Bobby instructed the ones on the ground then pressed the radio "Dispatch, be advised. We cannot reach with the ladder. Please inform the resident that we will be descending from the roof through her window." 

***

Eddie and Buck ran all the way upstairs, they reached the roof in what felt like record time, running he followed Buck all the way to the edge, they stood there for a few seconds judging the distance between them and the other roof then out of morbid curiosity looked down then at each other.

Buck could read the 'you can't be serious?' look and tilted his head in a placating manner then took distance so he could gather momentum for a jump. Still completely unhappy with the situation Eddie did the same thing, both of them ran, and thankfully, hit the mark on the roof across from them.

While Eddie was setting the pulley as Buck was gearing up. Both ready Eddie met Buck's eyes, as he was getting ready to rappel down "Let's live to regret this." He asked semi-playfully. Buck gave him a sardonic smirk "Relax Eds, I promise not to cut my own rope."

Eddie narrowed his eyes at his friend, "I'll never live it down will I?" 

"Nope." Buck retorted and started his descent down the side of the building. 

"You and I both know you would have done the same thing." Eddie commented. Buck was pretty much a captivated audience at this moment, which worked for him.

"This is not the time, and definitely not the place Eddie." Buck retorted, anchoring himself on the edge of the window and gestured for Gladys to take cover.

"When _ is _ the moment then Buck? Because there wasn't one suitable moment for the last week and I'm not sure what else to do." Eddie responded, his voice on the edge of pleading now.

"Sure as shit not now Diaz." Buck muttered as he swung himself backwards then let himself crash forward through the window.

Eddie waited for Buck to signal him that he's on his way back out, and indeed he was several long moments later "Eddie, I got her. Coming back out." Buck informed him.

"Copy that." He responded, looking back to check on his status he realized time's running out "Fire's getting a little close up here. We need to double-time it." Buck didn't respond verbally but did make his descent as quick as possible, but he came to an abrupt halt when the building rocked, he looked up in concern "Eddie?"

"Cap, the roof is gone!" Eddie informed Bobby, who immediately responded "Then Buck's gonna have to lower himself the rest of the way. Secure that rope, and get out of there."

Eddie hated it but did as told, distantly he heard Cap tell Mitchell, Sanchez to get the airbag.

He looked down one more time "Line's all yours, Buck." He told him.

Buck looked up at him as he moved the rope into the right position "All right, I got it. I'll see you down there." 

Eddie grimaced, hating that he had to leave and with a growl jumped to the neighboring roof. He stood frozen to the spot praying to any deity out there to keep his brave, daring and completely lacking in the self-preservation department partner of his, safe. 

He could see Bobby and Chimney look up, Chim's lips were moving and he could hear Bobby over the radio "Go, let's go! We gotta move!" he hurried the others downstairs, there was the familiar hissing of the air-bag filling and then an explosion from one of the apartments caused the people on the ground to gasp and stop.

Eddie followed the terrified looks up the rope where he spotted it burning, "Oh, my God." He breathed a terrified whisper, his gaze wandered down now praying for the damn air-bag to fill as quickly as possible. Buck has stopped, his friend knew moving will only snap the rope quicker and he may be lucky but he's not indestructible. 

The rope eventually did snap short seconds later and Eddie watched his friend and his charge fall down with rapid speed, he was gripping the railing with a white knuckled grip and waited for word from downstairs. He saw Bobby and Chimney hurrying to check on Buck and Gladys, watched as Gladys was helped off the air-bag then let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding when he saw his friend, with Chimney's help, get up and off the air-bag that most probably saved his life. Eddie sank to the ground breathing heavily, trying to calm himself, Cheers and applause could be sounded in the distance, that didn’t help him the slightest.

"Eddie," Buck's voice called quietly on the radio, Eddie couldn't respond yet, wasn't sure where his voice went or his breath for that matter, "Come on Eds, I know you can hear me, so just give two taps for yes, one for no."

Eddie did in fact do just that, "Ok, so it's a simple case of catching your breath," Buck continued, his voice calm "hold your breath for four seconds ok?" 

Two taps.

"Okay now breathe out to the count of four."

Two taps.

"And again."

Two taps.

"And out again."

Two taps.

"Do you want me to come up there?" Buck offered, still calm.

"I thought you said you wouldn't cut the rope." Eddie, who finally managed to calm down enough to talk, complained but his tone was light.

"I didn't." Buck retorted, "That was all the fire's fault." He continued "You coming down? Job's not really done yet, fire still needs to be put out, and everyone  _ may  _ be able to hear us." Buck urged Eddie in his own gentle way to get off his ass and get back in the game.

Eddie heaved a big sigh and got up "Yeah, yeah I'll be right down." He retorted "And for the record with all due respect I could care less whether or not everyone can hear us." He said with all the haughty air of a military staff sergeant.

"That's rude Diaz." A familiar voice joined them on the radio.

"Oh hi Bosko, how you've been?" Buck's response was immediate and surprisingly, to Eddie anyway, friendly.

"Been good Buckley, you joining us on the hose or are you not done playing with fire yet?" She quipped.

Buck chuckled "With you in a sec." 

When Eddie joined the crews back on the ground, no one said anything. He was surprised actually that at no point did Bobby tell the two of them to shut up. He figures Bobby was aware of whatever's been going on and thought that communicating, even while hanging between heaven and earth was better than the eerie silence that took residence in their firehouse for the last week. 

***

As fate would have it, Eddie had to get out of the firehouse that night as quickly as possible because of Christopher's first sleepover; originally, he hoped that Buck would keep him company tonight if only to help him hold on to his sanity but last week's event did not mark that in a hopeful light.

He offered anyway hoping against hope that Buck would be willing to come and maybe they would be able to talk about whatever's been eating at Buck this past week in the quiet of the kitchen after the little monsters turned in for the night, but Buck declined.

Later, much later, as they will stand to attention, salute Red as Buck escorted him to the ladder truck, and help him into the Captain's chair, Eddie will catch a glimpse of his friend's face and will reconsider his life's choices for the second week in a row.

Because in that moment Buck looked so fragile, so raw, that Eddie is suddenly swooped back to his talk with Chimney before the house fire at Atwater. Eddie wanted to go to his friend's side and hug him and not let go until Buck relented and told him what's going on in his head, but as he approached Buck, his friend shook his head and went to the driver's seat of the truck, Bobby and Hen Joining him. Leaving Eddie to return to the house with Chimney in the ambulance.

***

Bobby returns to the station with the ladder truck thirty minutes later, informs them that Hen and Buck stayed with Red. He told them to go change and head home, their shift will be done in five minutes anyway and the next crew is ready to go. 

After the Atwater incident, Buck seemed better as they returned to the station, but after spending the night out on his own and meeting Red, he seemed bothered all over again by the next shift. Only this time he tried to talk it out with them and to be completely honest they were complete asses about it, which resulted in Buck locking down again and taking a safety distance away from all of them.

Eddie couldn't blame him, will never blame him again for anything that wasn't his fault. He made that mistake once and they all paid dearly for it, especially Buck. So he approached Chimney when they both finished getting ready to leave "You never did explain what you meant by Buck losing it at the Well rescue."

"Seriously?" Chimney grouched "It was two weeks ago, let it go Eddie."

"No. You stood right over there," Eddie pointed up to the pool table "and completely dismissed Buck's thoughts and feelings when he was finally letting us back in a little and now he's completely shut down again, will never trust us with anything important ever again if we don't take any measures to fix this."

Chimney took a step back from Eddie's thunderous countenance and harsh tone, "Coming from you that's kind of hypocritical Mr. "You're exhausting and think only of yourself", you do realize that right?"

"I realize I messed up, in more ways than one," Eddie acknowledged "and we were working our way back from that, we were better, a lot better, but then the Well happened and now Red, I don't want to lose him Chim."

"Buck will bounce back, he always does." Chimney tried to calm him down.

"What happens when he gets tired of that? What happens when he breaks?" Eddie questioned, "Will we even know? Because at the rate we're going there is no reason whatsoever for him to come to us." 

"Eddie's right." They both turned around to find Bobby there, "We messed up, time to take responsibility and do better." He nodded in Eddie's direction then glared at Chimney's direction, "We can't say we're a family if the only person giving something here is Buck, friendship, family, love that's a two-way street and we aren't holding up our end of the deal."

"Eddie, go back to the news stories from two weeks ago, it was all over the internet, we know why you haven't looked and considering we lived it we didn't look either but we know it's there." Bobby suggested, "Just because your experience down there was hell doesn't mean we were having tea-time top-side, we were terrified, Buck was beside himself and I never, NEVER, want to see the look he had in his eyes that night again."

Eddie frowned, he was about to respond when Bobby continued "Go, watch, if you need to talk Athena and I will be home tonight, I'm guessing you won't be alone, Hen will probably come too as soon as Red will pass away and the ambulance will take him to the morgue."

"They're staying with him?" Chimney asked worried.

"Buck stayed with Red, Hen thought it best to make sure Buck's not alone." Bobby replied with a nod.

"Shit." Eddie swore, Lena was right it's a one way street with him, but no more, time to do better, just like Bobby said. "Okay, I have some research to do, I'll see you guys next shift." Eddie picked up his bag and left.

"You know Hen wasn't much help either in that conversation near the pool table." Chimney commented.

Bobby turned an annoyed look towards his teammate, subordinate and friend/annoying brother he never wanted, "How Maddie has not dumped you yet is beyond me." He shook his head and left as well. 

"Haters, the lot of them." Chimney smirked and headed home too.

***

Eddie sat in front of the screen, headphones firmly in place, and silent tears streaming against his will down his face.

He's pretty sure the image of Buck clawing at the ground will stay embedded into the back of his eye-lids for a long time and the sounds of his anguished screams will haunt his nightmares forever. He didn't know how Buck managed to keep together for so long after the fact before distancing himself from the rest of the team, but Eddie kinda gets it now.

If he was the one left above ground he wasn't sure how he'd reacted, but he knows for sure that whether he showed it or not at the site, he'd be a mess for a while. He'd shatter and putting himself back together would have taken time. He'd also be pissed, and he's guessing Buck  _ was _ pissed, knowing his best friend he probably wasn't sure how to address it without sounding like a selfish prick in his eyes.

Eddie knows he would have had no such qualms, and he probably wouldn't have waited for Buck to be out of the hospital either, he wondered what that said about him.

A movement in the corner of his eye, had him wiping his eyes, taking off his earphones and closing the browser, the last thing Christopher needed was more nightmare inducing material. "Daddy?" Christopher's tiny voice called for him.

"Yeah buddy?" Eddie replied, hoping his voice only quivered a little.

"Are you okay?" of course his son noticed. "Yeah bud, all good." Eddie promised.

Christopher came to a stop in front of his dad and studied him "you know Auntie Maddie said it's not nice to lie." He informed his father superiorly "Also that you and Buck suck at poker because of it." He looked thoughtful. "Not quite sure what that means yet."

"It means we need to stop leaving you with the Buckleys" Eddie chuckled, "But not today." He determined and picked a giggling Chris over his shoulder, grabbed his car keys and made his way to the truck. Every instinct in him pulled him in Buck's direction and for the first time in a long time he wasn't about to resist it to the point of breaking. 

Buck was a lot of things to Eddie and Christopher, a best friend, a work partner, someone who has his back no matter what, someone who listens to his problems and offers sage advice when he has one, overtime he became more. Buck was someone he could rely on for anything, if there was one thing that Eddie took from their time apart during the lawsuit and street fighting is that Buck is his person, his rock, his sanity and even though that was a dangerous thought, it was true nonetheless.

If you asked Christopher what Buck is for him, he'd say 'my Bucky is my hero' and that pretty much said it all, at this point anyone with two eyes and common sense could understand (quietly!) that Eddie and Buck co-parent Christopher, and if pressed Eddie would say that Christopher understands that too.

When they arrived at Buck's apartment building Eddie spotted Maddie's car still parked in the street. It was still extremely early in the morning, Maddie must have been very worried to be here at this hour, Eddie exited the truck and picked up Christopher, who fell back to sleep soon as they hit the road, with Chris in his arms he locked the truck and headed inside.

***

Maddie opened the door when he knocked, she seemed tired and emotionally worn out and her Bullshit meter had hit zero hours ago. "What are you two doing here Eddie? Is everything alright?" 

Eddie shifted under her glare "I didn't want him to be alone." He replied quietly, feeling like a misbehaved child.

"He finally fell asleep about 30 minutes ago, it was a hard night." She told him moving away from the door, "you can put Christopher next to him, he'll probably be happy to see him when he wakes up."

Eddie does just that, once he deposited his precious cargo and covered him Eddie moves to the other side of the bed and watches Buck's sleeping form, even asleep Buck looks disconsolate. He takes a moment to run careful fingers through unkempt curls before stepping back and heading for the stairs before he surrenders to the urge to join his favorite boys in bed, Maddie's presence be damned.

When he reaches the top of the stairs he sees Maddie standing there with a calculating look on her face, hands crossed, she gestures to him to come down and join her. When he claims one of the stools near the kitchen island, she hands him a fresh coffee mug. She nods when he thanks her, "It's your mug right?"

"I don't have my own mug here Maddie." He rolls his eyes.

He knows what she's talking about, Buck handed him the cup filled with coffee the first time he and Christopher crashed in Buck's place. He took it contemplating Buck's smirk for a few moments before going back to his warm coffee with a thank you grunt, only when he emptied the cup for a second time and was washing it did he register what was written on it. It said, "Please go away, I'm introverting right now." Eddie huffed a laugh before setting it on the rack to dry. He's been using it ever since.

Maddie simply gave him a knowing look and sat down across from him. "You know sometimes I wonder if I should give you tips on how to woo my little brother or if I should give you the shovel talk." She said looking at him searchingly.

Eddie leaned back with a frightened look on his face, was he that obvious? "Yes." He looked questioningly at Maddie, pretty sure he didn't say it out loud. He said as much to Maddie. She laughed, "No. You didn't, but it was totally written all over your face."

"Is it a Buckley trade secret the whole reading people's faces thing? Because your brother is pretty good at it too." He complained.

"Not exactly, it's a trait we had to pick up as kids." Maddie shrugged, "at this point it's kind of second nature." She sighed, "Doesn't always help, and sometimes we prefer not to see things as they are, because the truth can suck really badly, but when we do look we're good at spotting things others don't."

"Can you tell me what your brother's face is telling? Because it's very hard to tell lately." Eddie asks, begging.

"I think you know. You just didn't want to look too closely." Maddie replied with a pointed look. 

"I love your brother Maddie, I want to help him." Eddie said earnestly.

"Did you tell him that?" She asked, "Because up until 40 minutes ago he sat across from me and told me he thinks he'll die alone like Red." She said, "That him helping Red was an act of selfishness, that he can't make the difference anymore, was he really helping Red or was he just trying to make himself feel better?" She continued, looking pointedly at Eddie. "Those aren't words someone who helped another soul, a lost and lonely soul at that should be thinking about and yet here we are." 

Eddie lowered his gaze to the counter, "I didn't mean it, I regretted it even as I was saying it." 

"And yet you never took it back, that wasn't the only time you said it either." Maddie pointed out with a meaningful look in her eyes, "Hen, Chimney they're the pesky, teasing siblings, he learned to take them lightly, he knows that they truly don't mean it, and even if they do they still love him." She explained.

"But you, you made it perfectly clear that you act and say what you feel, you don't just mollify people, you are brutally honest." She elaborated, "One can't mistake what you say for a joke or a tease, to Buck, who studied every aspect of you, there was no doubt that you meant what you said."

"But I didn't." Eddie emphasized pleadingly, "I just… missed him." 

"So you hurt him?" she asked, but there was no bite in her voice, "Why should I give you the chance to do that again?" she challenged, "Because you may claim you love him, but I actually do love him, he's my baby brother and I just want him safe and happy."

"So do I." Eddie promised.

"Prove it!" Maddie nodded, fierce brown eyes challenging, "You get one chance mister, you hurt him again and I promise you there will be no hiding from me." 

"I believe you." Eddie looked at her, slightly awed and even more terrified.

"Good." Maddie nodded with a wicked smile. "He should be out for a little while longer, I'm leaving him to you, it’s been a long night." 

"Get some sleep, we got him." Eddie assured her, following her to the door and locking behind her. 

"Maddie?" a sleepy rough voice called from the loft, "Hey there's a kid here." Buck's voice took a happy color.

Eddie chuckled and quickly made his way up, "Maddie just went home," he informed his friend, taking off his over-shirt and climbed into bed next to Christopher who, in the meantime, Burrowed himself deep into Buck's side and didn't seem like he was planning to move from there anytime soon.

"What are you guys doing here?" Buck asked looking at Eddie who moved on his side and closer to his son and friend. "Doesn't he have school today?"

"Not today." Eddie replied quietly, "We had somewhere more important to be." He continued reaching over to run fingers over unruly curls, Buck closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

"If you continue to do that I'll fall asleep again." Buck mumbled.

"Sleep, I had a long night too." Eddie murmured, eyes already closing.

"Eddie?" Buck called quietly.

"Yeah Buck?" 

"What are you doin' here?" He repeated the question.

"I didn't want you to be alone," Eddie replied quietly, his eyes are already closed.

Buck hummed thoughtfully, before he could even consider a proper reply to that though, he was already asleep.

***

When Eddie woke up, he had an armful of Evan Buckley and no Christopher in sight. "You're not my kid." He murmured quietly to himself.

"As veritable as my kinks list is, a daddy kink is not one of them so that's probably lucky." Buck retorted with a wicked smile evident in his voice before he started pulling away from Eddie's arms. "Mads came back half an hour ago and took Christopher for a little while, she'll be back with take out and a kid with a probable ice cream high." He explained turning in an attempt to get up. However Eddie was not about to let the opportunity go to waste and yanked him back to their former position.

Buck yelped more in surprise then in protest but didn't fight Eddie's manhandling, "Waking up in a cuddle pile is not weird enough for you Diaz?" he questioned with a mock smirk.

"I need your undivided attention," Eddie said, hand snaking around Buck's waist, pulling him flush against his body, legs intertwining together, for a first time cuddling of this kind it felt natural, comfortable.

"You usually have my undivided attention Eds." Buck sighed tiredly, laying his head in the crook of Eddie's neck.

Eddie felt himself melt at that, because he knew just how true that was, feeling a surge of protectiveness wash over him, he ran fingers through Buck’s hair and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.

“What are we doing here Eddie?” Buck asked quietly against Eddie’s throat, making the other man shiver.

“I’m sorry.” Eddie murmured chin resting on Buck’s head, feeling Buck gearing up to protest he tightened his grip on his friend and continued “Wait, just let me get this out okay?”

Buck nodded, body going limp against Eddie’s again “I’m sorry, about not being there when you needed me, for condemning you when you fought to come back to work because it was inconvenient to me,” he sighed heavily when he felt Buck stiffen in his arms as if preparing to put some distance between them, if not ending this conversation right now.

“I know you don’t want to hash this out now, and I don’t expect you to, but this is long overdue.” Eddie murmured, pleading with Buck to hear him out.

Buck raised his head, his eyes meeting Eddie’s, his face completely blank, whatever he’s been searching for in Eddie’s ernest gaze made him nod and return his head back to the pillow but left a small distance between himself and his friend who, he noted amusedly, looked oddly bereft all of a sudden.

“I’m sorry for what I said that day in the grocery store,” Eddie continued, noting the barely there flinch on Buck’s face before the blank mask slipped expertly back into place, “I was out of line, and I swear,” he stopped Buck from interrupting, “I didn’t mean anything of what I said.”

Buck settled on a raised eyebrow to convey his doubt. “I didn’t,” Eddie promised “You are a lot of things but selfish is not one of them, I just…” Eddie sighed heavily, talking was not his forte, but for Buck he’s willing to try, “I missed you.” he finally managed to say “Shannon was gone, and Christopher was having nightmares and I don’t know if you knew this but my best friend nearly died three times in the past year,” Buck smiled ruefully at that, Eddie smiled back pulling Buck close again, one hand around the waist the other cupping a sculpted sleep rumpled cheek “I felt alone and lost and I lashed out.”

“You were a dick.” Buck pointed out.

“That I was.” Eddie nodded.

“I had to apologise like three times.” Buck continued.

“I know.” Eddie replied looking sufficiently contrite.

“I didn’t have to work this hard for forgiveness with any of my ex-girlfriends.” At this point Buck was just griping, he was never really mad at Eddie.

Eddie had the good grace to look chastened. Buck smirked at the blush spreading on Eddie’s cheeks “You’re cute when you’re blushing.” he teased.

“Shut up.” Eddie bumped their foreheads playfully, making Buck laugh, a genuine joyful laugh that has been missing for almost three weeks now.

“Are you quite done apologising for old sins, firefighter Diaz?” Buck inquired playfully.

“Almost.” Eddie nodded, turning serious. “I’m sorry for cutting the rope,” Buck’s eyes widened, pain and disbelief shining through and he just got up and away from the bed.

“Buck…”

“Are you?” Buck inquired, “Sorry? Really?” he leaned back against the window, hands crossed protectively against his chest. “Because I’m not sure I would be, you saved the kid.”

“I did.”

“I would have probably done the same.” Buck allowed with a shrug.

Eddie sighed heavily, “If you had survived the fall and the collapse and made it out I would have killed you.” he confessed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed in front of Buck.

“That would have been unbelievably hypocritical of you.” Buck retorted critically.

“I know.” Eddie nodded, he sighed heavily leaning forward on his elbows, one hand running through his hair.

“I was your lifeline Eddie.” Buck reprimanded harshly.

“I know.” Eddie nodded again quietly.

“I was so mad at you.” Buck informed gravely.

“Was?” Eddie lifted brown doe-eyes, making Buck’s eyes soften and smirk.

“I love you dumbass,” Buck retorted with an eyeroll, “but so help me God, you pull this crap again and I will punch you, no matter how bad you’ll look at that moment.”

“Fair enough.” Eddie nodded thoughtfully, then met Buck’s eyes with a shy smile and reached out to the blonde to take his hand.

Buck considered him for a moment before reaching back and letting Eddie pull him towards himself and with gentle but firm hands on Buck's hips, urged him to settle onto his lap.

"What no dinner first?" Buck smirked, hands weaving around Eddie’s neck belying his words. 

“We had a lot of dinners Buck.” Eddie retorted softly, one hand wrapped protectively around the small of Buck’s back bringing him ever closer, the other cupping Buck’s cheek, thumb tracing high sculptured cheek-bone. 

“We had Pizza and Disney movies, followed by different PG fun activities that ended up in bed-time stories and backache inducing couch dinners Eds.” Buck murmured with a mischievous smile, that made Eddie smile back in exasperation before closing the distance between them and kissing Buck senseless. 

They kissed long and languid, hands exploring broad backs, fingers tangling in messy bed hair, at some point Eddie let out a growl and with sure hands lifted Buck and laid him out on the bed covering him with his own body. Buck let out a surprised yelp, then laughed “Not used to being on this side of a make out session.” 

Eddie grinned amusedly, it figured, he mused as he lowered down to resume kissing his friend but was stopped midway as the door opened and Maddie’s voice filtered through their lust addled minds, “We’re back, whatever it is you might be doing stop and come down here, we brought lunch.”

“Daddy, Bucky I got to eat ice cream!!” Christopher’s excited voice carried up to the loft.

Eddie dropped his head onto Buck’s collarbone and groaned, the voice against exposed skin made Buck shiver even as he laughed, “Told you she’d buy him ice cream.”

“This is her way of getting back at me isn’t it?” Eddie muttered.

“Not sure why you would think she has any reason to get back at you, but if you indeed do something to piss my big sister off, then that’s definitely a possibility.” Buck laughed, pressed a chaste kiss to smiling lips and bodily lifted Eddie off him to get up and off the bed.

If it was just Maddie he’d have no compunctions over throwing her out of his house but Christopher took precedence even over Eddie, no matter how badly Buck was hot for him right now. 

This new thing between them can wait a few more hours, time for lunch.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I had fun writing this.
> 
> Please review - reviews get my muse talking ;)
> 
> With love ❤❤❤


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